5 Things Nobody Tells you about Starting Life over

What do you know about starting over? That feeling of not being enough, not doing enough. That nagging feeling of unfulfillment, clouded with thoughts of how to start life afresh. The judgement in the eyes of people around you.

The unhappiness from going from one dead end to another. The feeling of breathlessness when you think of your life and the situation you are currently in.

It can be a sad and heart wrenching period because everything in life that has to do with change is pretty hard. And “starting over” whether it’s a career, a relationship, a marriage or anything in the world that has to do with undoing some of life’s bad choices can be a difficult and tough process.

You begin to struggle with either being your authentic self and staying true to your journey or performing for the world. Questions like; What would people think of me? Would they think i’m a total failure? Will i lose friends if i go down this path? Am i going to be the weird one amongst my acquaintances or do people even see or care that i’m struggling so much, etc, are going to be the order of the day.

These questions are very valid and can be a big source of worry. Because the society we live in is not kind to adults going through a mid life crisis. As the world wide web is filled with people who seem to have it all together that starting over doesn’t even seem to be an option.

Fresh out of the university, my first entry into the “employed people’s world” was as a bank’s contact center agent. Now, you all know how brutal the Nigerian job market is. So you would understand how lucky and excited i felt to be able to land a job as fast as i did being a new graduate. What i didn’t know was the amount of unhappiness that role would cause me.

So as time went by, i started to feel really sad that even the sight of my workstation in the morning made me teary. Getting through the day felt like a very big chore. The best part of my day then was at close of business where i can be out of the office building and breathe a sigh of relief.

I came to understand that was not the best way to spend the most significant part of my work life. And i knew i had to change something if i didn’t want to end up living miserably. Despite that, i still got held down for a little while over the fear of what people would say.

We live in a world filled with people and whether we like it or not, we can’t escape the prying eyes of the world. What you need to understand though is that, no matter what you do, people would still talk. So making life decisions based on what people would say is not worth it and consequentially not the best way to live.

Below are some of the tips which helped me transition smoothly and figure out how best to move ahead.

Take a step back and introspect

The first thing you need to do is to take a step back and introspect. This is not the time to rush into anything. You need to ask yourself; What went wrong, what type of choices brought you to this point? How would you have done things differently if you had the choice?

Then you need to forgive yourself and think of where you are going next after this. And what steps you need to take. Search deep within you and do a lot of self reflection.

Find a new calling

Look within and think of what you need to do next. In what areas do you think you can excel. What are you passionate about? What do you think you can do effortlessly even if you don’t get paid for it?

What areas do you think you can develop that aligns with your values as a person. This was the moment i discovered my love for fashion even if that meant i had to start afresh and go to fashion school and be a student all over again. I didn’t let it deter me.

Listen to your Intuition

At this point, self doubt starts to creep in. You begin to wonder if you can actually pull this off and give yourself the life you deserve. You start to ask yourself if you’re up to the task or you’re less than capable. I know it’s easy to dwell in the negativity but you need to let the “can do” seed from your intuition grow.

A lot of self discovery sprouts out of deep, honest reflections. And you need to let the positive grow and listen to your heart.

The true meaning of courage is to be afraid – and then, with your knees knocking, and your heart racing, take the leap anyway.

Oprah Winfrey

Create a plan

What steps do you need to take to put all of these into reality. Write them down. From the minute to the complex. Lay everything out in front of you.

If it means you have to go back to school or earn a new degree or change environments, write it out. If it means you need to go through your finances and find out what you can afford to do first before you move on to the bigger plans with more financial commitments, you need to write it out. If you have to source for funds privately from family or you need to get a loan, write it all out. Because the truth is that you can’t quit an old life without writing out and planning the new one.

Start

You don’t need to have it all figured out from the beginning. As long as you have a plan, just start. Even if it’s something as simple as checking out the physical location of where your new school is going to be, or going house hunting, just do it. If it means reading for the professional exams you need to take or even if it’s something as mundane as clearing your laundry. Just start.

Taking that first step can be the most difficult part of all the obstacles you need to cross to get you where you want to be.

Sometimes, the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if must but take the step.

Have you ever been at that point where you feel you need to start life over? How did you get through it? Do you have any other tips that worked for you that you’d like to share ? Please type in the comments section. I would love to learn from you.